Death is one of the mysteries of life that we probably will never understand. You can’t wish it away nor will death be ignored. For most, it will be a defining moment in our lives……..and often comes unexpectedly. I read a wonderful blog on BlogLovin “A Fathers Blessing” by Antoinette Frankli which inspired me to re-blog my post about my mother’s home going.
As I stood hand in hand with my family at the close of 2012, I would have never imagined what the new year would hold. Nothing anyone could have said would have prepared me for my five-week journey (not even the prophetic word that was spoken that “change” was coming). Today, it still feels like a dream. How will I make it in this life without my confidant, my best friend, and mother? Who is going to cheer me on when others cannot visualize my dream? The tears began to flow even before the truth was realized. My spirit grasped what I could not perceive in the natural.
Change was quickly approaching.
The question now is, “How did I survive it all?” As I trip through my past memories, I know it was surely by the Grace & Mercy of a loving Father. I learned many lessons throughout this journey but the one that clearly stands out is, “love is not selfish”. How do you let go of something or someone that you clearly want to hold on to?
It is a selfless act.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 took on a new meaning:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I have been a Mommy’s girl all my life and I could not envision or corral the thought of being separated from her even if it was only for a little while. Yet, my heart could not endure her not being the person God created her to be, healthy and whole. In fact, one day as I watched her wrestle with her discomfort, my heart hurt to see her misery. Her response to me was, “this is my journey and I am not worried because I am in Jesus and Jesus is in me”. There has only been a few times where I’ve witnessed such faith and courage. The wings of my heart opened up. Although, there are days where sadness engulfs me. I stand in awe when I think of God’s grace. Why? Because my Mom acted selflessly as she prepared me for her journey home. She laid aside her own concerns and planted the seed of HOPE that we would be able to continue on because of the legacy that she left us. Many have said she was still young, and for this day and time she could have been. However, I have learned it is not about the number of days; it is about your quality of life. Who did you touch and are they a better person because of you? I do know one thing for sure; I am a better person because of her. I surely will miss her.
Nonetheless, her voice will forever linger in my ear. “I will always be with you; no matter what you do or where you go.”